Tuesday Top Fives

This is the new weekly column where I rank my top 5 of whatever I want to rank. If you want me to rank something, ask me to. I probably will, but no guarantees. Some of your ideas will be stupid, maybe even stupider than mine.

Top 5 Heisman candidates

  1. Dak Prescott, QB, Mississippi State – Super impressive so far, but Mississippi State probably won’t be in the picture too much longer with Texas A&M, Auburn, Alabama, and Ole Miss left on the schedule.
  2. Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia – Gurley is so good that it almost doesn’t even matter how Georgia finishes. Almost. The remaining schedule isn’t particularly daunting, so Gurley is very much alive.
  3. Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon – Luckily for Mariota, Oregon’s loss didn’t take him totally out of the picture because everybody else lost and Oregon could still fight their way back into the playoff.
  4. Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama – Pretty much the same thing I said about Mariota, but change Oregon to Alabama.
  5. Ameer Abdullah, RB, Nebraska – A poor statistical showing against the toughest team on the schedule really hurts his chances, but by the end of the season, Abdullah could be Nebraska’s all-time leading rusher. That will mean a lot more to Heisman voters than a bad game against a great defense. Of course, Nebraska can’t afford to lose any more games.

Top 5 jobs i think a guy with a name like Dak Prescott should have

  1. Wall Street Big Shot
  2. Real Estate Tycoon
  3. Actor that always plays country club guys with their sweaters over their shoulders
  4. Trust fund baby that attended college for seven years and didn’t graduate
  5. Football guy

top 5 quarterbacks in the nfl this season

  1. Peyton Manning – Better ingredients. Better pizza. Peyton Manning. Also, Buick and DirecTV.
  2. Andrew Luck – The Colts are so much better when they let Luck throw the ball all over the place. The Colts were the last ones to realize that would happen.
  3. Philip Rivers – What?
  4. Eli Manning – For real?
  5. Aaron Rodgers –  I can’t believe he hasn’t been as good as Rivers and Eli, but there have only been five games, that won’t hold up. Probably. I don’t know.

Top 5 Things Dee Ford (#55) Was Thinking on This Play

  1. “Nooooooooppppppeeee. No. No. That’s … I ain’t … nope.”
  2. “I’m a rookie. They don’t want me getting hurt. I need to get the fuck out of the way.”
  3. “Was there a … I feel like there was a guy over there that, like he said my name or something. I’m gonna check that out.”
  4. “I calculated my chances of getting the tackle and they are not good. I’ll pretend I saw a play-action.”
  5. “Dang, I can’t get through that block. Maybe I can go around the back way. Dammit, there ain’t no back way.”

Top 5 things that are dumber than this comment

  1. There might not have ever been a dumber piece of analysis than this.
  2. I can’t think of one.
  3. Maybe something Skip Bayless said?
  4. I don’t pay attention to Skip Bayless, so I guess I don’t have an example.
  5. Seriously, this might be the dumbest thing anybody ever said. At least he owned it.

Top 5 Weezer albums

  1. Weezer (Blue Album) – 1994
  2. Pinkerton – 1996
  3. Everything Will Be Alright in the End (2014)
  4. Weezer (Green Album) – 2001
  5. Maladroit – 2002

That’s all for today. Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter dot com. My handle is @BottomoftheOrdr. That’s not a typo, the missing ‘e’ symbolizes my lack of errors, or “e’s” in baseball terminology. Also, I didn’t have enough characters to fit the whole thing.


This is not how you should run a fake punt

See if you can spot where this play goes wrong:

Did you see it?

If you answered sending a guy in motion, you are correct. If you answered throwing the ball toward two guys who are not on the passer’s team, you are correct.

If you answered having a guy play dead instead of doing literally anything else, you are the most correct. Maybe the worst part is that the poor fake dead guy had to get up and try to get back in the play after the interception, at which point almost got killed for real.

This reminds me of when Riley Cooper laid down in the endzone on a kick return because he thought he could hide and it would make points happen or something. If you are a coach and you think of some odd thing that no one has ever done before, maybe ask around and see if you can find out why no one has ever done it. Because I can think of a few reasons no one has ever tried to play dead on a fake punt before.


[via @SeanKorte]

Posted in NCAAFB | 2 Replies



This is the coolest Father’s Day thing

Just when you thought the catching a ball with a baby in your arms thing had been done to death, this dad came along and brought it back to life, only to kill it for good with a Fonzie-level dose of cool. Fonzie is still cool right? I’m old.

He doesn’t even stand around long enough to take a bow, or even let the security guy slap him on the back. He’s way too cool and doesn’t have time to let his new fans tell him how great he is. He probably had to get back to his seat so he could finish carving out his shark-shaped canoe with the knife George Clooney made for him when they were hunting lions in a place us regulars have never even heard of. Guys, I’m afraid I may not know what’s cool anymore.

But this guy is cool, that’s an easy one. Dads are the coolest, and this man is our king today.

cooldad[MLB Cut 4]


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