This is the new weekly column where I rank my top 5 of whatever I want to rank. If you want me to rank something, ask me to. I probably will, but no guarantees. Some of your ideas will be stupid, maybe even stupider than mine.
Top 5 Heisman candidates
- Dak Prescott, QB, Mississippi State – Super impressive so far, but Mississippi State probably won’t be in the picture too much longer with Texas A&M, Auburn, Alabama, and Ole Miss left on the schedule.
- Todd Gurley, RB, Georgia – Gurley is so good that it almost doesn’t even matter how Georgia finishes. Almost. The remaining schedule isn’t particularly daunting, so Gurley is very much alive.
- Marcus Mariota, QB, Oregon – Luckily for Mariota, Oregon’s loss didn’t take him totally out of the picture because everybody else lost and Oregon could still fight their way back into the playoff.
- Amari Cooper, WR, Alabama – Pretty much the same thing I said about Mariota, but change Oregon to Alabama.
- Ameer Abdullah, RB, Nebraska – A poor statistical showing against the toughest team on the schedule really hurts his chances, but by the end of the season, Abdullah could be Nebraska’s all-time leading rusher. That will mean a lot more to Heisman voters than a bad game against a great defense. Of course, Nebraska can’t afford to lose any more games.
Top 5 jobs i think a guy with a name like Dak Prescott should have
- Wall Street Big Shot
- Real Estate Tycoon
- Actor that always plays country club guys with their sweaters over their shoulders
- Trust fund baby that attended college for seven years and didn’t graduate
- Football guy
top 5 quarterbacks in the nfl this season
- Peyton Manning – Better ingredients. Better pizza. Peyton Manning. Also, Buick and DirecTV.
- Andrew Luck – The Colts are so much better when they let Luck throw the ball all over the place. The Colts were the last ones to realize that would happen.
- Philip Rivers – What?
- Eli Manning – For real?
- Aaron Rodgers – I can’t believe he hasn’t been as good as Rivers and Eli, but there have only been five games, that won’t hold up. Probably. I don’t know.
Top 5 Things Dee Ford (#55) Was Thinking on This Play
- “Nooooooooppppppeeee. No. No. That’s … I ain’t … nope.”
- “I’m a rookie. They don’t want me getting hurt. I need to get the fuck out of the way.”
- “Was there a … I feel like there was a guy over there that, like he said my name or something. I’m gonna check that out.”
- “I calculated my chances of getting the tackle and they are not good. I’ll pretend I saw a play-action.”
- “Dang, I can’t get through that block. Maybe I can go around the back way. Dammit, there ain’t no back way.”
Top 5 things that are dumber than this comment
Glad I was able to enlighten the football audience. Didn't know I was capable of this type of profound insight https://t.co/Zcawfn9bmB
— Trent Dilfer (@TDESPN) October 6, 2014
- There might not have ever been a dumber piece of analysis than this.
- I can’t think of one.
- Maybe something Skip Bayless said?
- I don’t pay attention to Skip Bayless, so I guess I don’t have an example.
- Seriously, this might be the dumbest thing anybody ever said. At least he owned it.
Top 5 Weezer albums
- Weezer (Blue Album) – 1994
- Pinkerton – 1996
- Everything Will Be Alright in the End (2014)
- Weezer (Green Album) – 2001
- Maladroit – 2002
That’s all for today. Thanks for reading. Follow me on Twitter dot com. My handle is @BottomoftheOrdr. That’s not a typo, the missing ‘e’ symbolizes my lack of errors, or “e’s” in baseball terminology. Also, I didn’t have enough characters to fit the whole thing.